Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A kitten

I think the worst thing about being a kitten is that my bones are made out of jello.
People like to pick me up and squeeze me against their bosoms and I can't do anything about it except make my body go completely limp and wait for the moment to end.
It's a similar situation when humans, pinching me by the nape of my neck in a show of their size and power over me, suspend me in mid-air for extended periods of time. This is most annoying when accompanied by laughter. I have no choice in this situation but to also go completely limp and wait for the moment to end.

I really fancy sticking my head into cups and seeing how far down I can push my head into the cup before it gets stuck. When I can't fit my head into a cup, I simply push it over to show my dominance over the cup.

Like all cats, I suffer from dementia, which makes stationary objects appear as though they are moving. This is why I may sometimes attempt to kill things which are already dead, such as bifocals, shoes, purses, keys, chairs, fruit, and the occasional pillow.
I love to kill things, and it is my goal and purpose in life to kill all living things. If something is moving, then it is alive, and I must use whatever means possible to end it's pitiful existence. As a kitten, I have not killed anything yet, but I have been getting lots of practice in with a type of fake mouse my oppressor has given me. I have tried to kill my oppressor numerous times, but due to my size and novice, I have only so far been able to repeatedly attack the feet and legs of my oppressor, and occasionally attempt to lay on her face in order to cause asphyxiation while she is sleeping. I believe killing my oppressor is the most important thing I will ever do.


  1. I can't remember how I got here. You suck. Your blog sucks. I do not like you as a person. I might like you. If you weren't so fucking stupid.

    1. I'm sorry for this comment. I regret writing it. You're obviously just trying to figure yourself out and how to live in this crazy world like the rest of us.

  2. @anonymous ...

    @lily can we have a marriage between us

  3. loved this! such a wonderful read. :)